The picture on this article kind of says it all: Kotaku’s Brian Ashcraft, trying to get a friendly handshake from Microsoft Japan’s spearhead Takashi Sensui, and Sensui seems not willing to return the gesture.

Maybe he realized that the story that such a picture would be within was kind of filled with some holes that Kotaku never cared to correct. Then again, when have they ever been that accurate?

The story in question? Something that has said that Microsoft had a complete sell-out of 360 units in Japan, and that Aaron Greenberg (don’t look too hard at his smile, by the way. His pearly whites, not to mention that bald spot up top his head, shine so much you might either go blind or go into a seizure) kind of wasn’t expecting something like that, and yeah, I know I’m going to be sounding like I’m flaming like I’m some fanboy, but clearly, when you have something that is so easily refutable and someone doesn’t grill them right, you’d understand why I cannot resist the temptation to just slam on someone that usually gets that free pass from three-fourths of the gaming media. Thankfully, I know how to be more in snark than in anger most of the time, and this is more snark. Forgive me. I just warn you, I can use a great deal of sarcasm here, as I intend to, so be prepared for my worst…or is it my best? I can never tell.

Now clearly, by what supposedly happened at the beginning of this year (remember that excuse Microsoft gave all of us as to why the 360 wasn’t selling so well and why the PS3 was kicking their asses during January and Febuary in the NPD sales, something that kept going for eight months this year so far?), that should’ve told them that they had to be more prepared for something like that to happen, right? RIGHT?! Apparently not.

Now of course Microsoft would rather let things go without thinking them through, such as running their mouths about the Grand Theft Auto 4 DLC when they knew nothing about it, as another Microsoft guy (what was his name, Shrieve…uhh…Rappaport…ah well, I’ll get his name right sometime) had said that he had no idea when the GTA4 DLC for them would actually come out, the first true thing about that DLC they’ve said since it was first announced. At least that is what we can gather. And from what we can also gather, Kotaku loves to be Microsoft’s mouthpiece, and do the worst job at it.

Never mind the fact that they are checking up on one store and it’s not like Japan is some third world small country or anything like that, and never citing any of their facts. But Kotaku, at the very least do some simple following up. We know you got some brains running the show there. 

Oh, wait, we forgot who’s writing this bad boy: Mr. Ashcraft, who couldn’t find unbiased reporting if it bit him on the ass. This is the same guy who condemned Hideo Kojima for saying that the American press loves to twist stuff around when Ashcraft was the one to DO the twisting in the first damn place. Hey, you’re probably never going to admit something you’re guilty of if you never want to be caught, correct?

For instance, why no outrage when the smug Sensui uttered, “We want more.” to swiping more third party titles (funny how they closed down Ensemble Studios to get that Tekken 6 megaton that wasn’t and that they somehow have more money just lying around somewhere), “I’d like the see Final Fantasy XIII on the Xbox 360 in Japan.” Never mind that Microsoft has yet to give us an actual first party title that means something outside of Halo 3 (well, the upcoming Fable 2 is one, and GoW2 is technically not a first party game). They would rather take up everyone else’s clever ideas and use them as their own (now I’m really starting to sound like an anti-MS fanboy here). But Ashcraft, when someone makes a comment like that, a comment that anyone who has a BRAIN (something that might be foreign to you) would think twice before actually condoning, you are supposed to make sure they are called on it. This is the main problem with you guys over there, and it starts with you, Ashcraft. Well, it actually starts with Mr. That 70’s Show you got running YOUR shindig over there, Brian Credente, but we’ll excuse that because I’m sure you would rather it be you that owned Kotaku, we’d assume. 

Also, when you are in the room with someone who’s company is being accused of bribing more people with money than we have ever seen a game company even attempt to do, you might want to ask him about it. You see, as a blog website, you have that obligation to check up on everyone and their deeds, not just those that you hold a grudge for because they wouldn’t let you unfairly score their games like you wanted to. See if you can ask him where that money to shore up all these third party titles they are getting are coming from. See, you failed us in doing this, like you failed us when you didn’t even ask how many of those systems had to be bought again because they decided to do a little thing called “quality assurance” before rushing their product out to beat their competition, and if that was factored into this “totally legit” sell-out. Never mind that that this happened before, according to Microsoft, and thus they should’ve known better this time. Oh, wait, we’re sorry, the 360 was basically non-existent in Japan before that Japanese RPG that in the end only put a dent into the install base over there. They got Mount Everest to climb before they can catch up to Sony and Nintendo over there, since we know people love to bring that term into any conversation like that. On second thought, maybe they could actually have a case there, since they probably thought they were dead there, as well.

But wait, Mr. Ashcraft, even then, you should’ve asked them that given that they wanted those JRPG to even compete in that same country, thus they should’ve anticipated such a reaction since that was exactly what they were hoping for. But yeah, you kind of wanted to just let them spew their fabrication and get away with it.

Never mind that they actually went somewhere in which they shouldn’t have even tred: “We have the third party line-up.” Sensui said, and how he can say that and then look in the mirror and tell himself that the morals of how Microsoft GOT that third party lineup is beyond me. “It’s not good when customers cannot buy your product.” Oh REALLY?! Oh, Mr. Ashcraft, I know I’m probably just giving some flame bait for some of the people that are on other sites to go at each other when they see this, maybe that’s this whole article (then again, I DID say I would bring more snark than anger into this, too), and I know I’lll probably be hearing it with this inaugural article into Media Watch (you’re welcome, by the way), but seriously, if you could not follow up THAT with a question of how they couldn’t have anticipated such a reaction when that is what they were AIMING FOR when they gave Namco that briefcase full of hundred dollar bills, then I’m afraid that we need to take it outside.

Mr. Ashcraft, you don’t have to tell a single soul that you’re a 360 fanboy. Hell, we can already tell that from your reporting this past year, but who’s counting besides, say, the growing population of gamers who grow tired of Kotaku’s tabloid-style reporting. But c’mon! There’s a difference between being a fanboy and using a brain, sometimes barely. We all know you and Mr. That 70’s Show does, or else you wouldn’t be maintaining a website about video games, and you sure as hell wouldn’t have been invited to the softball-question riddled GDC 08 Blogger Breakfast. But sir, do you really think we’re that stupid to not believe that you’re actually giving Microsoft such a free pass, especially with all the news about the new toys they got this
week on the account of several jobs they are not making and several jobs they cut by closing down Ensemble Studios (don’t worry, we won’t tell them how much you’re just not worried about the amount of people who are now out of work because of them doing that so they can mess with another system’s exclusive when…how long HAS Tekken 6 been delayed prior to that TGS 08 announcement again?). Microsoft doesn’t even need to worry about any NDA because, well, they ARE the NDA’s for God sakes.

Mr. Ashcraft, at the risk of me just having 360 fanboys coming to my house with pitchforks at this point, I’m calling on you and the rest of the pack of sheep there at Kotaku. Next time you go and talk to a guy at Microsoft, do the same thing you do whenever you talk about Sony: GROW A SET!!

(Don’t worry, I’m not holding my breath).

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